Recovering after dating a borderline

For most, it may hold little that feels inspirational. Hearing someone else share your struggles and negotiate the realities of the illness can be both comforting and illuminating. Borderline Personality Disorder is a chronic and complex mental health disorder marked by instability, and interpersonal relationships are often the stage on which this instability plays out. Barbara Greenberg , a clinical psychologist who treats patients with BPD, explains:. Often, this emptiness and intense fear of abandonment are the result of early childhood trauma and the absence of secure, healthy attachments in the vital formative years.

Paradoxically, the overwhelming fear manifests in behaviors that deeply disrupt the relationship and pushes partners away rather than pulls them closer, resulting in a stormy and tumultuous dynamic that typically emerges in the early days of dating. When they are in relationships they get very intensely involved way too quickly.

'How Do I Recover From The Breakup Of A Toxic Relationship?'

But then what comes along with it, a couple of weeks later, is: Everything is done with passion, but it goes from being very happy and passionate to very disappointed and rageful. Prior to her diagnosis, her boyfriend, Thomas, used to blame himself for her hot and cold behavior. Although each person has their own unique experience, these are some common thought patterns people with BPD tend to have:. Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about—despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me.

First day in months she brought her phone inside out of her car…. Yea she was in to everything. Well black dude is my friend I watch anime with. He is also the friend of one of the guys she was doing a few months before. She gives me back the computer I gave her to help with school which I helped write papers for proof read everything and fixed it. Helped her study and pass and showed I cared.. Well her password was saved and bingo I figured I needed to know. Told her I knew.

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Lies like you never would believe. Never seen something so scary in my life.

'How Do I Recover From The Breakup Of A Toxic Relationship?' | HuffPost

She changed a few passwords but forgot Instagram. I let it roll.

She also unblocked him the year before and then rebooked him a few days after she had went to his town to drink and eat…Saved her debit card purchases and for months went over each text each email each night she said she was home sleeping or working and watched the trail of bars and guys and morning gas station buys.

She just said it must of been right before she got with me from her ex who she despised and said was a child molester and that was that it must be a STD that shows painful symptoms a week later showing up finally at the same time a year later.. All within 2 hours. This was everyday… The same things.. Every time could be days hours or minutes she will apologize then rip into me.

You know that guy who is the devil and ruined her…. Until you start to realize the truth. She has no stable friends no exes on good terms.

Five Years (Written Many Years Ago - 2013

Simple math there 1 consistent… Well he is a women beater a cheater a liar and monster. Oh and child molester which is ok cuz she still tried to get back. Anyway eventually you will find out they cheated and the word justify comes into play. She was directly involved huh. Ok then I copy and paste exactly what he wrote to her and she starts going off on me for saying I never cared.

She threw up when I told her I just copied and pasted what her ex said and asked why would the same thing fit for both of us.. Oh and she tried to fuck him after he moved on to use as black mail to get him to break up with his new gf. The same one she tried to get him to cheat on 2 years later. So he kindly fills in on my bed I gave her… No respect of boundaries or morals. I used him for sex cuz i knew he would.

Passion and Fear in BPD Relationships

Almost 3 years guys I stayed after everything I just wrote happened. I tried for no reason and gave up emotionally and physically years ago trapped with her to continue down into depression and self pity.

BPD Relationship Recovery - Me Project

She needs the attention and always will make something up to get you to feel bad for her. Before I met her I have never raised my voice to a women I have never even to this day hit a women but now I end up having metal breakdowns when she fights and never listens. She stopped taking her medication. Sex or the common I never loved her. Sex is only good if you can be happy after not trapped in pity party and hate speech where shut the fuck up is what she will say when she is talking and you keep asking a specific question….

She was to both.. I could go on but this is the last time I talk about this dark chapter in my life where helping out a sweet homeless girl turned into housing a selfish lying evil sneaky up and down hateful lost soul. They made it up to get you in and BPD will shine through and show you why no one from there past even there family is distant from her. Thanks Josh, for your very candid account of this painful chapter in your life. However, I now live with chronic depression, which impacts on my life in many different ways, the vast majority of them negative. I was in a relationship with a woman who suffered from BPD for 3 years.

At first she was one of the greatest people I had known. Then a few months after we began dating she started a fight with me for no particular reason. This started becoming a pattern. I lived with her for a short period; happened after my father died, and I became home sick. She flipped out, accused me of abandoning her and her children, and continued flooding me with hurtful remarks. She even dated many men while I was back home trying to adjust to this change in my life my father.

I now find myself unable to love. I have no feeling inside except pain. I still think of her, dream of her; I hate it. She, on the other hand, is getting married to somebody and moving. Her life is shining brightly, while mine is flickering out; I did so much for her. Dear Josh, First of all, I wanted to thank-you for your post, and for sharing your feelings following the end of your traumatic relationship. And that is the message I wanted to convey: Instead of focusing on her, focus on yourself now, and your own recovery.

Distorted Borderline Perceptions and Damaging Patterns

You are absolutely right to get professional help now. Get all you can, to help you deal with your feelings, and to help you come to terms with your loss. And it is a loss, a loss that will take some time to recover from. But you WILL recover. We ALL do eventually.