Turning someone down online dating

From the guy's perspective, I've had two guy friends tell me they would get their hopes up when they saw their mailboxes full, only to be disappointed when they discovered it was full of "thanks, but no thanks" responses as 23skidoo said. I found a balanced approach worked best for me: However, if it was clearly a "form letter" seeking my attention and most of them were , I'd not respond at all.

It's not rude to simply not respond. It's not even rude's second cousin.

Not responding is so unrelated to rude that they don't even have the same number of chromosomes, legs or eyes. If you're not interested, you don't really want them to show up in your searches, so add them to your 'dead to me' list, too. The other day, someone QuickMatched me. Thing is, this caginess doesn't work; in my "who's viewed you" list it tells me when people have looked at my ad. I'm not an idiot. So I saw that I'd been matched. Looked at the profile, saw that we had a few things in common, but, frankly, I didn't find her physically attractive in the least, I found some of her hobbies laughable and worthy of derision, and she's married and poly; I am not poly-friendly.

I sent her a note saying that I wasn't interested in my usual comic easy-letdown style. But a couple of hours later I considered: She responded to my note, but I elected to delete it unread and block her. I was probably just feeling extra chatty.

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But the conclusion remains: I shouldn't have sent her a note. I dunno -- I did the online dating thing for a while, and I always made a point of responding to anyone that had even made a token effort to read, pay attention to, and seem open to discussing stuff in my profile. There's a world of difference between "Hi, I saw on your profile that you're reading A Suitable Boy -- I read it last year and thought it was great, but didn't really care for the ending. How far along are you in it? You seem pretty cool -- if you'd like to talk books sometime, message me back!

LOL rite me back K" as in the first, I'd think, merits a "thanks, but I'm not really interested" and the second no reply. I have been on the sending side of personalized messages on OKC quite a few times. Getting no response to such messages is a common occurrence and it's totally acceptable. My current girlfriend who I met on OKC would always send polite rejections to guys who she wasn't interested in.

She eventually decided to delete her account because she couldn't deal with all of the messages that she felt an imperative to respond to.

How To Turn A Guy Down In A Classy Way

Given the trade off between getting courteous rejection messages and having more women on the site, I'd would pick the latter without a doubt. When people send the first message, they know they might not get a response. It's not a big deal. If it seems like the fellow in question actually took the time to compose a thoughtful email based on what he read in your profile, the nice thing to do is to send back a polite message telling him you're not interested.

2. Treat Others The Way You Would Want to Be Treated

If you get a message from a guy that just says "Hey what's up? I did the online dating thing for a little while as well, and a non-response is completely the norm. That's just the way it is. It's not rude at all.

Don't respond to someone unless you're interested. I think it's immensely rude to ignore messages that have been custom-fashioned to attract your attention. If I find a person on OKC interesting, I spend 20 minutes studying her profile and making comments and followup questions. It's OK not to be impressed, but I would appreciate 15 seconds of your time to know that you're not interested. Even with a form letter.

Of course, those who don't put effort in shouldn't get it back. It's just a social norm I disagree with. Unless that occasional profile comes along that looks like a match made in heaven, in which case I bash my head in wondering what she didn't like about me. Someone responded that recipients don't owe me anything. To an extent, this is true. But think of it in a more tangible context. Say a stranger walks up to me and asks what book I'm reading. I could keep reading like a deaf-mute and pretend he's not there, because, hey, I don't owe him anything.

It is safe to ignore the generic messages that don't mention anything in your profile, since they are more or less spam. Do a couple sentences about the weather, or that crazy water-skiing squirrel you saw on the YouTube.

Maybe I haven't run into many desperate men, but the conversation has always died fairly quickly after that. This method requires effort, assumes you aren't getting 20 messages a day, and carries a very small risk of ending up on a date with Ralph Wiggum. I hate to be rude too, but let's face it: Even the ones who can write a nice personal e-mail on round one may go mouth-foamy on you if you send a polite decline. Being polite to everyone is not worth the amount of shit that a chick on the Internet is going to get for saying no directly. Always Be Honest, Direct And Do It Quickly Turning someone down is never pleasant, but being honest and direct is always the best policy when you want to keep people from getting hurt.

It is ok not to feel the connection with someone.

1. Always Be Honest, Direct And Do It Quickly

Never make up lies. Honesty is indeed the best policy here. Keeping people on the hook is a big no-no. One in sum, let someone. Steve harvey is the same when i understand that humor defuses a wrong way to let someone.


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