From that point on, I treat the situation like an unexpected emergency. Their request is not a crisis, and if you ignore it no one will be hurt.
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They may be frustrated or inconvenienced, but not hurt. In this scenario, the kid needs a ride. Whatever the situation, one parent is incommunicado a problem that might need to be addressed at a different time and a solution needs to be provided. But of course, go to your cross-country race, we will figure it out. Kids can be the easy way out. Remind her that you see HER… not the mom, the woman.
Calm down, no one is asking you to be a dad. Learning to respect that relationship, know your role, and create healthy boundaries will be of great value to your relationship moving forward, especially with her co-parent.
She may not especially like him… Cool. Not your business at this point.
Trust is going to go in waves. When she says she loves you, she means it. When she plans a future with you, she means it.
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When she introduces you to her kids which you should never pressure , she means it. Give her what she needs every day.
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And her kids need to SEE their mother being loved well. It was when he suggested that he pick her and her daughter up for a car ride to the park, that she felt major red flags.
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She decided to cancel the date in that moment. If your gut is telling you something is off, listen! Diane remembers her own mom dating when she was younger.
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That distinction is important because it changes the power dynamic. If you feel guilty about leaving the little ones to go out and date, take Jill's mindset: Once, when a date fell through with a late cancellation, she decided to spend the night out with some friends instead and had a blast. You've got this, mama!