Dating a reformed sex offender

His nephew's uncle, who was the chief of police, is the one who he says accused him of the molestation. Sometimes it seems fishy but in other ways he is doing what he can to own up to his issues from the past and better himself and find the right help.

Sometimes I feel that I can believe what he tells me. He owns up to the abuse, and also says that the drugs was not an excuse for what he did.

I am really concerned and conflicted here on whether I should further invest myself in this person's life or if there are serious red flags that I am being naiive around. I really need to talk to someone about this and find some proper direction.

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Find Out More Information Although you already found out that your boyfriend was on the sex offenders list, it may be helpful to search again and find out what he what he was convicted of and where, taking note of this so you can contact the local criminal court. When you find out where he was convicted, you can call the court or the local police that handled his case. These are both great sources of information to find out what sort of treatment he had, what his probationary rules were and whether he was compliant, and maybe even how he was convicted — was there a confession, does the rest of his story check out, etc.

Weighing Your Decision It is hard to say what you should do based merely on what you have told me.

Dating a Sex Offender

It is not unheard of for the legal system to have made a mistake, but it is also difficult to find out whether he is telling the truth. As you move forward with your life, it will be prudent to look at all the factors involved and weigh them equally when making your decision. As you move forward it will be helpful to take into account his actions now, whether he is showing any warning signs, and perhaps to look at other factors in his life such as the following:.

A neutral party may be helpful as additional support for you, or you and he both, as you figure out whether you want to choose to move forward with this relationship or not. I understand that this is not always an easy task, and you may not find out immediately. Please share your feedback on this question.

Dear Concerned Girlfriend,

Should I date a sex offender? Dear Stop It Now! As you move forward it will be helpful to take into account his actions now, whether he is showing any warning signs, and perhaps to look at other factors in his life such as the following: But before you feel this way for your date, ensure that he is sincere about leading a reformed life.

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You can deduce this by the kind of company he is keeping and his seriousness in getting a job. If your partner is seeing a therapist, has enrolled for a college program or has already found work, it means that he is sincere about joining mainstream society.

Can Bad Men Change? What It’s Like Inside Sex Offender Therapy

If your partner keeps away from behaviors and people who can draw him back into a life of crime, it could mean that he is doing his best to move on. At the same time though you need to be careful about your own wellbeing and that of your children, if you have any.

Spend a lot of time, say more than a year, getting to know him and when you truly believe that there is nothing to fear, you may think of getting serious about this guy. Tread very carefully Unfortunately a sexual offender is not the same as a shoplifter or even a petty conman.


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Those who sexually abuse women, children and others in a weaker position have deep-seated psychological issues and are completely lacking in morality, not to mention having a complete disregard for the law. It is extremely unusual for such people to change their nature; so even if your date has served time behind bars and appears to lead a reformed life now, it is best to keep your guard on.

If you have just started dating and barely know this person, it would be best to move on. And even if you have spent some time with him, you should always consider whether any date is risking your own well-being and that of your family.

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Sex Offender Therapy: Inside Treatment With Convicted Men | Time

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